compulsive over eating

“Hyperpalatable” foods — those loaded with fat, sugar, and salt — stimulate the senses and provide a reward that leads many people to eat more to repeat the experience.

He calls it conditioned hypereating, and here’s how he says it works. When someone consumes a sugary, fatty food they enjoy, it stimulates endorphins, chemicals in the brain that signal a pleasurable experience. Those chemicals stimulate us to eat more of that type of food — and also calm us down and make us feel good.

The brain also releases dopamine, which motivates us to pursue more of that food. And cues steer us back to it, too: the sight of the food, a road lined with familiar restaurants, perhaps a vending machine that sells a favorite candy bar. The food becomes a habit. We don’t realize why we’re eating it and why we can’t control our appetite for it.

  • Structure your eating — knowing when and how you’re going to eat. That plan helps you avoid the situations or foods that trigger overeating and establishes new eating patterns to replace destructive ones.
  • Set rules, such as not eating between meals. If you know you’re not going to eat something, he says, your brain won’t be as stimulated to steer you to that food.
  • Change the way you think about food. Instead of looking at a huge plate of french fries and thinking about how good it will make you feel, he advises saying that it’s twice as much food as you need, and will make you feel bad. “Once you know you’re being stimulated and bombarded,” Kessler says, “you can take steps to protect yourself.”
  • Learn to enjoy the foods you can control.
  • Rehearse how you’ll respond to cues that set you up to overeat.

http://www.webmd.com/diet/features/compulsive-overeating-and-how-to-stop-it?page=3

So I weighed myself, and I will be honest.

About 2 years ago my current weight was a goal I thought unachievable. at 180lbs, I figured losing 20lbs would make me perfect and I would be happy. As far fetched as it seemed to me, I did eventually reach that goal. But soon after I realized, I had a warped idea of what changes when I lose weight. 160 was not doing it for me, I was still chubby. So I pushed for 150…but unfortunately I never made it there. It took me almost a year to lose that 20lbs, it was excruciating because of my binge/purging habits and extreme bipolar mood swings.

Well here I am, approaching finals in first year university and living on my own for the first time. I’m living off of campus food and 50$ of groceries, a month. I have been reluctant to weigh myself in crippling fear of the freshman 15 ( it means exactly what you think ). But in some wave of bravery, I faced the scale this morning. Standing naked, in a bathroom stall of my wing’s communal bathroom, the seconds before the ominous the digit number appeared, were infinite. Only after half of an eternity did I see my mass. The number flashed three times meaning that the scale was certain with its final answer. I was sceptical. I looked at the number for no longer than a second, stepped off the scale and stepped on again. The same number appeared, no different. I stepped off, and then back on, once again the exact number appeared.

I am not stupid. My father is a diabetic personal trainer and my mom is a recovered bulimic/anorectic, I can confidently say I have more knowledge of the science of losing weight than most of the starving girls I follow.
The number that flashed three time, each time, was 160.

I haven’t been running like I used to, I haven’t been spending much time at the gym and I have most definitely been consuming well over the caloric limit of my anxieties, let alone what my body needs. Lots of drinking, late night pizza, late night chocolate, late night everything, and here I am, back at 160. The lowest I’ve ever reached was 156, and that was only after 5 days of food poisoning.
I am relieved but very upset simultaneously. I’m not stupid, I know muscle weighs more than fat. And I can see the muscle loss all over my body. I can feel the extra grab on my hips, thighs and belly. I take up more space, but I weigh just the same. It makes me so sad, but it gives me a little bit of faith.

If I’ve been fucking up THIS bad for a while and only result with a balanced muscle loss/fat gain, getting back on track and starting to see the numbers drop can’t be that harder, or at least not as hard as I think. I honestly thought that I would have gained a good 10lbs and would have to start from square one all over again.
I can handle this. Starting at 160 is better than 180. Now I feel like being 150 will make me perfect and happy, I think this because I don’t know what this number means. I don’t know how this number will be perceived. Numbers are the rational definition of everything that exists. I don’t know, yet, how 150 will define me. Or if 140 will. All I know is that I’m not good at math but I was always more comfortable with subtraction over addition.

I don’t want to sped the rest of the year like I did two years ago. I don’t want to suffer through 12months of social anxiety and return back to my solitary ways. I am here to study, school comes first. I am here to become my future me while meeting others along the way. I am here to learn to be independent and strong and responsible. I need to do all of this and maintain my cool and control. If I can’t achieve my weight goal without reverting back into my instabilities and poor hygiene and irrational fears and dropping grades, well then, I don’t even deserve to be here.

I’m adderall ranting, I don’t expect anyone to read this in its entirety, which is fine. It’s not meant to be read by many people. It’s meant for me to comprehend what I am thinking.

I am thinking, I can do this.

At 1000 calories consumed a day, this is my projected progress of weight loss as calculated with my current stats.



Day               Weight /Calories Used/ Your Calorie Deficit
11/08/2010    162.5    2447.14    1447.14
11/15/2010    159.62    2426.89    1426.89
11/22/2010    156.79    2406.93    1406.93
11/29/2010    153.99    2387.24    1387.24
12/06/2010    151.23    2367.83    1367.83
12/13/2010    148.51    2348.69    1348.69
12/20/2010    145.83    2329.82    1329.82
12/27/2010    143.19    2311.21    1311.21
01/03/2011    140.58    2292.87    1292.87
01/10/2011    138.01    2274.78    1274.78
01/17/2011    135.48    2256.94    1256.94
01/24/2011    132.98    2239.35    1239.35
01/31/2011    130.52    2222.01    1222.01
02/07/2011    128.09    2204.91    1204.91
02/14/2011    125.69    2188.05    1188.05
02/21/2011    123.33    2171.43    1171.43
02/28/2011    121    2155.04    1155.04
03/07/2011    118.7    2138.88    1138.88
03/14/2011    116.44    2122.94    1122.94
03/21/2011    114.21    2107.23    1107.23
03/28/2011    112.01    2091.74    1091.74
04/04/2011    109.84    2076.46    1076.46
04/11/2011    107.7    2061.4    1061.4
04/18/2011    105.59    2046.55    1046.55
04/25/2011    103.51    2031.9    1031.9
05/02/2011    101.45    2017.47    1017.47
05/09/2011    99.43    2003.23    1003.23
05/16/2011    97.44    1989.19    989.19

Breakfast- nov/10/10 @ 10am

bagel- 190

light cream cheese- 60

coffee- 3

total= 253

Addiction Adjustment.

 Day 1 (Today: November 10th, 2010)

- Cut obvious carbs partially from diet. Consume them only at one meal during the day. (Preferrably breakfast as the energy will most likely be burned by the time the day ends) This includes, but is not limited to, bread, bagels, pasta, granola, cereal and anything else that is mostly made of grains and wheat.

-Subtle carbs, as found in fruit are permitted without restrictions.

-Additional meals for day 1 are not required to be calculated as long as they consist of quality protein, fruits, or vegetables.

-Colon Cleanse and sleep early. Get min 7hrs sleep.

Day 2(Thursday November 11th, 2010)

- The goal is to consume at least 2L of water if not more.

-Food is to be consumed periodically through the day is very small portions, think grazing.

-The best things to graze on are nuts, fruit, small/cut veggies, crackers.

-No other carbs are permitted.

( Day 2 falls on a day where I work from 8am to 4pm and it is guaranteed that there will be a lot of partying afterward. I want to join in on the fun so in order to do this and allow myself alcohol I will only drink spirits and a bit of red wine. No beer or mixed drinks allowed. Vodka can be mixed with diet/coke zero)

Day 3(Friday November 12th, 2010)

-No carbs on this day unless significantly more than 500 calories are burned with exercise.

-Breakfast must consist of tea/coffee, fruit, water, and yogurt if I have any.

-Take LAX at breakfast, after medication.

(Aim to go grocery shopping this day. Only fruits/veggies/nuts/yoghurt are permitted to be consumed)

-This is Game Day, which means you will see Him play and he will see you. Which means…. Be good.

Day 4(Saturday, November 13th, 2010)

- consume at least 2L of water, if not more.

- Graze throughout the day

-Colon cleanse at night

Day5 (Sunday November 14th, 2010)

- High protein breakfast w/ LAX

- High protein/fibre lunch. (fat free cottage cheese and veggies)

- Lunch is only allowed after working out and burning 500 calories or more.

-Dinner is more like a snack. No more than 250 calories.

Day 6(Monday November 14th, 2010)

- High protein breakfast

- 2 pieces of fruit for lunch

- 2L of water for the rest of the day

Day 7(Tuesday November 15th, 2010)

- Fruit for breakfast

- Fruit and protein for lunch @ noon, then workout

- veggies for dinner, @ 5pm.

- max intake is 500 calories.

Intake Oct/31/2010

Breakfast:

coffee

lunch:

1 apple- 75

Dinner:

PB&J- 2 slices multi grain bread- 240

peanut butter- 100

jam- 60

Total so far @ 5:30pm = 475

My down fall come in the night. I hope to stay below 800 cals by the time I sleep. Idealy not pass 500.